Friday, December 31, 2010

Two posts in as many days! The festive period certainly brings about a reminiscent perspective!

I've thought long and hard about the Duke last night. I know there are some of you who will laugh this off, thinking that this is nothing new, but I didn't come to my usual conclusion where we ride off into the sunset.

I wrote down a few of my thoughts in the dead of night, almost poetic that it has come to this at the end of another year.

I do hope that none of you judge me for the way my heart has led me astray! No one is more surprised at this outcome more than I! It never occurred to me that I might not fall into the Duke's arms at the slightest whisper of his availability.

Regardless, I wish you all an incredibly joyous New Year and hope that there is less scandal and more love in all of ours.


D. S.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

How I do love the Christmas holidays! The last week has been spectacular with presents, family, friends, champagne and more snow than I could have imagined! (Yet not scandal free!)

I have had the most delightful few days eating FAR more than any lady should! But when can you indulge your senses if not at Christmas? Though I think I might have mixed my metaphors and the like.

My family hosted an incredible soirée two days after Christmas, inviting all the Lords and Ladies fortunate enough to be in the Shire and it was a glorious evening. Some old family friends surprised us by turning up halfway through the night - I do not wonder where I learnt my love for theatrics - and I thoroughly enjoyed hearing all of their stories of the Continent! It seems that everyone I know has spent a good part of this year abroad and I have travelled between two counties, trying to guard my heart from the clutches of unavailable men.

Speaking of availability it seems that the Duke and his fiancé are no longer! I received a letter and a small parcel from the Duke himself saying that he didn't want me to hear through the grapevine, but that his fiancé's conduct had been less than perfect and he wanted to to terminate their marriage contract! I find this most distressing at it may scupper all my new year's plans! 

I know I sound frivolous but I think I am in shock! I had put the Duke out of my mind, or at least felt that it was going about that way, however slowly. I am not prepared for this declaration; though I do suppose it is more of a statement for the Duke has not hinted at anything more between the two of us, it's just my heart skipping forward. 

We will see each other tomorrow night, or at least definitely before I return up North, but I do not know how to react! Should I expect anything, or be cold and callous, or ignore it, or sympathetic? I don't know what to do! And it frightens me, that he has so much of a hold over me even after all these years! This news has made me wistful for the past, before I had a reputation to uphold and an acknowledged responsibility to my family!

And there is a name a dare not mention, whose name I have never uttered in conjunction with my emotions. It is not 'him' who ruined me and ravished me in the same instance up North but rather a musician, a friend. Our current relationship is purely platonic, yet that I have thought of him now, when the Duke is apparently free makes me question my love, yes I've said it, for the Duke!

I didn't want to go into this tonight. I didn't want to talk about it until the New Year, but I suppose it's better to get it out of the way sooner rather than later. 

The snow that we had has all but disappeared, a grey cloud looms loftily in the sky, no doubt gathering rain for a deluge tomorrow night.


D. S.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas to one and all!

I do hope that those of you who are fortunate enough to embrace the White Christmas are doing so! I have the sleigh at the ready for after lunch to go for a stroll with the Marquessa. I can only imagine what delights are in store for the rest of the day!

The last week back in the Shire has been rather eventful, even for me! There have been parties nearly every single night; I've had to miss the odd one or two to try and recuperate! But yes, I have seen the Scottish Earl, though we are currently no longer on speaking terms, I have been thoroughly entertained by the delightful Southern gentlemen and ladies, my heart has skipped a beat at the presence of the Duke and I quietly long for the North!

We had a delicious mulled wine evening with the most respected guests in attendance. I believe I was the most embarrassing companion as I had yet to sleep from the previous night's events, (whose events would no doubt horrify if I were to divulge!) and considering it was our first meeting since the Summer I should have let everyone acclimatise to my exuberant personality!

Being back at home has so far met every expectation. I knew who I would be seeing, I was prepared for casual conversations with the Duke and to see the Scottish Earl. Though I am disappointed at how our relationship has soured. It is too difficult to explain. (Or rather too humiliating, as it was an outburst of rejection, something I am not used to!)

But although I adore being back at home, that this is my final year in the North I can only hope to spend as much time possible with my close friends from the county that I have grown to love! I know that scandal has somehow followed me through the heart of this great country, but I am learning, if somewhat slowly, from my mistakes.

I cannot believe that it has nearly been an entire year of correspondence. How self-absorbed I am, and I know I should be ashamed of some of my more deplorable actions but I am happy with who I am. I only wish that this craving for the Duke would subside! He is engaged to a woman far greater than I am and that is exactly what he deserves.


D. S.

Monday, December 13, 2010

A few days is all that I have left in the Northern counties. A multitude of sins can be explored in a few hours let alone days, but I think that my deplorable actions over the weekend account for enough before the Christmas season.

The past week contained many hours of singing Christmas carols and enjoying a fair few different ales. Definitely nights worth remembering as we surprised many of the city dwellers when they realised who we were! I do believe that we are visiting a school to sing to this eve, and I am fair excited, for one never knows who you might meet!

This leads me quite nicely on to the weekend. I cannot deny the pleasure of the Rowing Ball and we know about my accidental meeting of the Foreign Minister. But it seems that all it takes is a slight touch of the hand to make me think about my relationship with certain gentlemen. 

Considering that the Foreign Minister was now on my mind, I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to see him once more before I leave for the Shire. I cannot deny the physical pangs that my body was suffering at the thought of giving in to his lust, but I knew that there was a large probability that the Minister would be with him. He, who tempted me nearly a year ago, who made me forget, momentarily, about the Duke. It would be disastrous if he found out about any kindling of a relationship with the Foreign Minister.

Fortunately, Harlequin, even in his absence, managed to conjure up the perfect excuse; the anniversary of his birth! Lady Lina managed to create an outing where we searched for the perfect gift for Harlequin. Of course it helped that we managed to coincide this outing with the Minister's visit to the town centre. The three of us wandered around the various boutiques that the North has, and we all went back to his dwelling to wrap the gifts and have them sent off poste haste.

Of course Lady Lina made herself scarce not soon after we arrived at his home, I was more than impressed with her subtlety! And so we were alone. 

There was obvious tension but I refused to throw myself at him. That I was so restrained to begin with definitely added to the undeniable passion that came over us. It was not the first time that this union had occurred, but that first time was many moons ago, and I had been distracted by the Duke, by him, to really notice the Minister. I don't know if it will happen again any time soon for I will be in the Shire over the Winter months (and I've heard from the Scottish Earl that he will be joining us over the Christmas period!).

Mother has sent up a few gifts for me to hand out to the dear ladies that spend all their time putting up with my romantic endeavours. I am looking forward to going home. A mulled wine evening has been proposed and I've heard rumours that a close friend has been with child! Ever so excited for the return to the Shire!


D. S.

Monday, December 06, 2010

The Rowing Ball.

That isn't meant to be a title but rather a statement, a fact, a memory. It was everything that you'd expect and so much more, but I suppose I had better start from even before the Head Race.

After my unfortunate encounter with him, I was feeling decidedly negative about my romantic endeavours. I'm not asking for Prince Charming to come and whisk me off my feet, or even a prestigious gentleman to adore me, I suppose I would like some attention, male attention, and I thought that I would satisfy this craving by broadening my interests with rowing. Needless to say that that has failed.

I'm not one to give in lightly, but although I while away the hours with the rowers, their focus is on their sport and not me. They are commendable fellows and their dedication is incredible (and certainly pays off as they won their category over the weekend) but that they are becoming friends is only too obvious. I have male friends, no doubt more than my Mother approves of, but it generally denies any chance of romantic intentions...

This sounds terribly tedious, I know, but that is how I felt on the day of the race and the Ball, so my expectations of the entire evening were incredibly low.

Little did I know that I would find the most captivating suitor... He may not have been a part of the Boat Club, and he needs little to no introduction, but that he was there as the perfect antidote to my misery seems almost too much like fate.

The Foreign Minister appeared three spaces to my left at the table in the Grand Hall. I was terribly surprised to see him there; it has been months since I last saw him, and indeed I was shocked that he and his wife would be in tow. Fortunately I was saved that degradation as the Minister was the guest of one of the rower's wives, not a connection to him.

(Does it not seem worrying that a single, accidental meeting can affect my outlook on life?)

I danced the night away with the Foreign Minister and together we happily drank through the memories that we had of each other. I was careful to steer clear of a certain topic but there was no need as we had so much to catch up on. He had the most delightful news about Harlequin who is over on the Continent and thoroughly enjoying himself at court. There was talk of visiting him over the next coming weeks but I don't know if I can bear to be away from the Shire over the Christmas festivities!

As much of a delight as it was to converse with the Foreign Minister, the attention the rowers bestowed upon me was delightful. How shallow I sound for I know that it means little to nothing, nevertheless, that I could happily entertain an easy dozen gentlemen at the Ball is how I love to live my life.

I supposed I must have caused quite a stir amongst wives and fiancés, but they had nothing to worry about. It is purely the attention I craved that evening... My body's longings were still rather too uneasy after the brief connection with him to want any gratification.

So long for now. I hope to administer a great deal more scandal than my satisfaction next time... Actually before I leave, there was a rather unsightly incident involving one of my rowers and a scuffle with a rival woman. It seems that I am not alone in my need for attention!