Saturday, February 26, 2011

Good morning! A happy Saturday and a happier one than last week... Though not because of the musician. I will divulge more about that situation later.

Firstly, the Ladies Dinner which I attended on Thursday was the perfect opportunity to catch up with the esteemed and gracious fellow patronesses of rowing. Other than the coxswain and Rower Number 5 I have not spent that much time with any of the other men and women associated with rowing and I have to admit I felt rather guilty and am glad that I made an appearance.

I'm sure the coxswain appreciated the chance to dress up in the latest fashion and capture her Rower's eye on the dance floor... They weren't around for too long so I assume they both had a lovely night! I was disappointed that the Court Jester couldn't join us but he has been so hard at work he deserved a long night's sleep and Harlequin more than made up for his absence.

Of course there is a sufficient amount of scandal and gossip from that night, and I know it has been a while but I too got caught up in some lewd acts! Everyone was in a frivolous mood and there was much drinking and dancing and I spent... a lot of the evening with the Captain. He was thoroughly entertaining and didn't attempt to hide his intentions. After the musician it seems that I crave attention even more than I did before!

It is a slight cliché to write 'one thing led to another' but it is a rather apt phrase and I haven't enjoyed myself so much in a long time that I believe the Captain deserves a special mention! There is a race today that I should be watching but I need to go to the library and continue doing some work (shocking, I know!) so I will hear all about it tonight.

The coxswain was far too pleased with the development between the Captain and myself, which has made me question my non-relationship with the musician. I have been thoroughly contained the last few months and haven't indulged my carnal appetite to my... usual extent. I care about the musician deeply but I think I need to protect myself from him. A diversion in the form of the Captain is something that works well.

I know the musician apologised for our silly altercation and I am glad that everything has gone back to normal between us. I'm just questioning why I am happy to settle with 'normal'. This is coming across a lot more pensive than I intended and now that I have put my thoughts in to words I realise that I have been thinking this for a while. 

However much this all may be true, you can't help who you like. You can't stop the butterflies when that one person walks into a room or the silly smile when you think you're getting what you want.

I'm a slow learner, but I'm learning none the less.

D. S.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Not going to post anything more interesting than a beautiful building and a happy aside that the musician apologised. No one was more surprised than I but we'll see what happens when I see him later today.

D. S.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Minus last night's altercation with the musician this week was lovely. And I don't think I have anyone to blame but myself for last night.

Spent hours with the Gameskeeper hearing about his love interest, covered for the coxswain so that she could spend time with her own lover, received a letter from the Duke of all people and even had a surprise visit from the Squire who has been out of my life for quite a while!

Of course I need to talk about the Duke first as he has been the most important person in my life for the last few years and I am happy to tell you that the letter filled me with hope! He has arrived in the South of France and is staying in Carcassonne, which he says is gorgeous and filled with history. There is no hint of regret that I am not with him, he only wants me to feel at ease. Apparently. Though I believe he is trying to prove a point by showing me what I am missing.

He says he will keep me updated with his travels and that I am free to join him at any time, but of course the further East he goes the harder it will be. I understand the time limit, he is wealthy and handsome, and it won't be long until he acquires a more willing mistress. Even after last night I am still sure that I made the right decision. I refuse to be second best and that is something I need to learn with the musician.

Last night is difficult to explain, I am far too stubborn and expect far too much that I should just leave it at that. My bruised leg and hand are big enough reminders, for now, at least.

The reintroduction of the Squire on the other hand has been a welcome break from the tedium of fawning over the musician. (I know I said it was something I would never do, but sometimes I just can't help myself). He is sweet and it is relaxing not to have to do anything to make him want me; the perfect distraction really.

Talking of distractions, the coxswain has spent a lot of time with me considering I was more than happy just to be a cover for her illicit relationship! But we have quite a lot in common and enjoy spending time together, which works rather well considering I know the rowers! I should be going to support them today but after last night I can't bring myself to leave my room. Pathetic, agreed, but I don't particularly care.

Compared to January, February seems to be dragging on. Surprising considering the shortness of the month, but I am thinking about my beloved Shire and how I would like to visit home. I must write to Mother.

D. S.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Two days between posts! I'm rather impressing myself, though it might be more to do with the fact that I have very little to do... And it is Valentine's Day!

However I have devised a plan to leave little anonymous love notes around the Manor for whomever to find, just so they know that somone, somewhere, loves them. It isn't much but I do hope it brightens up at least one person's day!

For some reason I have a silly little smile on my face even though, once again, I have scuppered any of my own chances with love for today. 

I met with the coxswain and her Mother over the weekend... It was interesting to say the least! I completely understand the dilemma that she is in; her parents adore her but are very aware of their 'nouveau riche non-background' (I believe these are terms I am making up) and want to establish less tenuous bonds than those created solely on their finances. And of course marriage is the answer.

The afternoon tea went remarkably well, I managed to embellish various stories and the like and have built up quite a rapport with the coxswain's Mother. I also hinted that my younger (but not particularly young) brother would no doubt be coming to visit at some point and I would be sure to invite her and her family to the event. The coxswain's eyes betrayed a hint of surprise and worry, but I have devised a plan that should give the coxswain and Number 5 more time together.

Of course her Mother took up the significance of my brother's mention and will no doubt be reminding the darling coxswain of their situation in society and that it would be advantageous for her to remain close friends with myself. Indeed we should spend most days together!

The coxswain now has the perfect alibi for her rendezvous with Number 5 and indeed can join me in luxurious gowns as I walk the river watching the various gentlemen that row before us. A much more feminine and simple ploy than her disguise, though of course I would not want to jeopardise the excitement that that must bring to their relationship!

I know I haven't mentioned the musician or the Duke as often as usual in the last few posts because I am still reeling from my decision to stay. I know that puts a negative connotation on it and I do not regret my decision, but I am enjoying my dabbling in other people's relationships rather than concentrating on my own.

This weekend was lovely as I whiled away the hours in a public house (disguised of course, it seems that coxswain and I have more in common than I first realised), with the musician and his close friend the Gameskeeper, and indeed there were many men with whom I was introduced to. But regardless as to how I feel about one of them in particular, I am far too content to pursue anything... At this moment in time anyway!

D. S.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

This is only going to be a short post as I need to go and get ready before tonight but I can't leave without filling you in about the coxswain.

I received a note from the coxswain asking if we could have a rendezvous but it wasn't from the 'coxswain' it was from her, with her real name, which I promised not to divulge. Nevertheless with my curiosity piqued I couldn't refuse and agreed to meet with her. It seems that we have graced each other's presence on more than one occasion. She is from a wealthy family but one with not much ancestry, nouveau riche I believe is the term bandied about. Because of their situation she is being coerced by her family to marry into a prestigious name, but lo and behold she has fallen in love with a simple gentleman, whom her family do not approve of.

It sounds like a classic case of parents versus their children, but I was touched by her honesty and how upfront she was with me. She was banned from spending time with him, so disguising herself as a coxswain was the only feasible course of action. She knows that it isn't going to be able to go on like this forever, but for now they are happy and she is refusing to meet anyone her parents have defined as 'suitable'.

I wish there was something I could do. She seems so small and vulnerable and only wants to be with this gentleman, I do hope that she can resolve her issues with her parents. I have decided to aid her as much as possible and am going to hold an afternoon tea for her and her Mother in order for her to be given a little more leniency. If it is ancestry and family name in accordance with wealth that gets the coxswain's parents going, who is grander than myself and my lineage?

Off to go see the musician and his delightful friends. Apparently there is a Gameskeeper that I simply must meet. Oh what to wear to a tavern?


D. S.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Another week has passed and I have maintained my decision to forgo the Grande Tour with the Duke. My relief is something I cannot deny and it has helped me realise that I have made the right choice; NOT to run away and expect a fairytale ending with the Duke. He is too fickle and needs to take care of himself, escaping convention but not bringing me down with him.

I wrote him a letter explaining 'why' and I have yet to receive a response. I don't know how he will react but we have recovered from so many assiduous situations that I don't doubt our relationship to last longer than this relapse.

The Court Jester has returned to the Northern counties and nothing could have made me happier except that the musician and his friends have returned from their travels so that I have the people I love around me once again. I look forward to seeing the musician tomorrow night but until then I have other snippets to talk about...

This weekend was an absolute delight, I whiled away the hours with the rowers, laughing and talking, watching them row with the Court Jester, nothing particularly out of the ordinary. However, it seems that there is a slight discrepancy regarding their coxswain! He has always been rather quiet in comparison to the other gentlemen, and keeps to himself. I thought it was to do with his height, as he is easily vertically challenged -the perfect size to be a coxswain - but not what one could call a dwarf. He is perfectly proportioned, if slightly effeminate.

Well, after sitting on the banks watching them row the Court Jester and I parted ways and I decided to wait for the rest of the gentlemen and I caught a glimpse of the coxswain kissing the gentleman who normally sits at Number 5! Of course I was shocked, I may be rather lax in my own morals but to have two men kissing in only relatively discreet cover was astonishing even for me. I didn't know whether to warn them of my presence and help them hide (no one can help who they fall in love with) or just pretend that I hadn't seen anything and remove myself from the situation. But it was just as well that I was transfixed by the sight for moments later the coxswain's hat fell to the ground revealing the most gorgeous length of hair and Number 5 seemed to have his hand on a breast!

I'm not sure what to think but I believe that the gentlemen's VIII have been deceiving the Club with their coxswain, for he is actually a she! I think I'm going to keep this information to myself, for now, but I do wish I could find out who the coxswain really is!? I might have to do some digging but this is the most delicious scandal and has already made my decision to stay in my darling England well worth it!

Wish me luck on my path of curiosity. I know I should just ignore what I saw or ask outright but I'm intrigued! I want to know how long it has been going on for and who she is!?


D. S.