Sunday, May 13, 2012

A week has scuttled by and it is quite disconcerting to think that my time in the Antipodes feels most fleeting. If it weren't for the dropping temperature I wouldn't want to leave this country at all, but I cannot abide Winter. A Summer season in the Shire is what I need after the nights begin to lengthen in the Southern hemisphere.


I truly was going to write sooner, three days ago in fact. But that would have been in the heat of the moment, and I would have said some hateful words about one whom I care about so deeply. No longer angry, I feel I can speak more plainly, more objectively about what happened a few nights ago.



After my night with yet another nameless paramour the Captain dared to judge me when our paths crossed again. I even had said paramour with me, so the situation was most uncomfortable. But what hurt the most was the Captain's look which chastised me for my behaviour, behaviour that he had encouraged only a few nights before.


At first I was furious; he was the one who told me to look in any other direction but his, even after his proclamation of love. But then I realised that his jealousy showed that he still cared. How I can doubt myself and him after all this time I don't know, but it is reassuring to know that what we had, for that short time, was real.


Three weeks to go until I can call the Shire my home again. The explorer has been more than entertaining, the brunette an absolute darling and all my friends on this side of the world mean the world to me. 


Of course I have some delightful excursions to look forward to with the Gameskeeper, Belle, the Court Jester back on my home shores, even the Scottish laird has kept in touch with a few words of correspondence, and I can't wait to see my Mother again. I don't know how she is faring after the death of her Mother, my darling Nana...


But saying goodbye... I've done it enough times in my life, but at least this time I know it isn't forever. 





D. S.

3 comments:

  1. Dear Duchess, how exciting for you, and what an interesting post you've written here. 4 things really is all I've got: #1 There are those times we should write it all down immediately when we're angry and rightly so. It helps to get it out of us. Its healing and therapeutic. Then there are those times to wait and ponder and then write. I think you did the right thing this time by choosing the latter. #2 You stated that he told you "to look in any other direction but his, even after his proclamation of love". He is scared Duchess. He is plainly scared of what he feels, and he's trying not to feel it. #3 Yes, he's jealous, and yes he still cares, absolutely. #4 I do hope you can see your Mother soon, as I'm sure a visit from you will be healing to her heart, after just losing her Mother, your Nana. PS: Hang in there with the Captain. I feel he's battling something within himself. Love from - @bayviewgirl

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  2. Dear Duchess, I think this might be a good RT for today: "@boyposts: Distancing has 3 reasons: Either you hate that person, you want to move on, or you’re too afraid to fall in love" - @bayviewgirl xo xo

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  3. Never say good bye, my darling because things and people that are important always come back. And if in you far hemisphere, weather begins to be cold, we are just beggining spring, so...
    I hope your news !

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