Tuesday, August 07, 2012

I'm feeling a little forlorn and lost as my time at the Convent wavers on the apex of its denouement, lacking direction and a purpose. I remember this frustration about a year ago and my answer was to leave the Shire, to travel 12,000 miles and abandon any semblance of a life I'd known before. 

Shall I make that drastic decision again and leave rather hurriedly? I cannot yet give a confirmation as to my future whereabouts, only knowing that my time at the Convent is dwindling and soon I shall be free to make more mistakes.

The White Knight has written reams about his travels abroad and the difficulty he had in the decision to leave ~ but of course I understand that his duty to his country comes before me. It was wonderful having his attentions focussed on me, but his intensity was rather daunting.

I heard from the brunette no more than a few days ago... She is on her way back to the Antipodes and truly my heart skipped a beat when she told me that the Captain would be on board her ship. The pang I felt reminded me of the love I have left behind; three months we have been apart and still I think about him with tenderness. The feelings are rather more sporadic these days, but I think it does not help that I do not know what the future holds.
a peek looking up under Marie's bed at Versailles

As I lie in my bed, staring up at the ceiling, regrets pool at the edge of my thoughts, despite my life's ambition to live with no regrets. What would I change if I had the power to go back in time? Is there anything I would or would not do again?



D. S.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Duchess, "soon I shall be free to make more mistakes". I absolutely loved this statement. So true for all of us. And isn't it freeing to know that any direction can be ours, if we but choose it. Aahh, but therein lies the quandry. Which way do I go? Do I turn left or right? Shall I stay or shall I go? Do I look to the skies for my answers, or do I look at the ground for earthly-tangible solutions? "What would I change if I had the power to go back in time? Is there anything I would or would not do again?" And lastly, do I stay with what I know, am assured of, and accustomed to; or do I reach out into the unknown for something that might be, but might not be 100% sure? These are the questions that all thinking people must decide upon in their lifetime. It is a big decision. But I feel certain you will go with your heart, your head, your intellect, and with a few chosen wise opinions from those around who love you. Love, Ellen @bayviewgirl

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